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What Reformed-Types Look for in a Woman

I have met the woman I’m going to marry. (Shhh… don’t tell her!)

As a result, I’m changing the “Who I’d Like to Meet” section on my MySpace profile, as I sort of think of it as a place where a person might describe what they’re looking for in a significant other. For posterity’s sake, I’m “reprinting” that content below, which is a quote from Jonathan Edwards about Sarah, the woman he would later marry:

They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is loved of that Great Being who made and rules the world and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight; and that she hardly cares for anything except to meditate on him. . . . She has a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind, especially after this great God has manifested himself to her. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly, and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone walking in the fields, and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her. (Piper, “A Mind in Love with God”)

So, then I was reading in The Legacy of Sovereign Joy about when Calvin told his friend William Farel what he wanted in a wife.

The only beauty which allures me is this–that she be chaste, not too nice or fastidious, economical, patient, likely to take care of my health” (p. 131).

It’s not as romantic as the previous quotation, I must admit. Did I mention she came over today (with her eldest niece as a chaperon) to bring me ginger ale and soup and cough syrup?

Recently I had told my buddy Patrick (Christina’s brother-in-law) what I wanted in a woman, and noticed that my list of qualifications had become much less picky than at earlier points in my life. Also, there’s the fact that releasing my list allowed God to make the choice rather than me. And I must say, he’s picked a better woman than I could have ever found on my own. Better than I could ever have imagined. In case you’re wondering, the two things I held out on are as follows: She should be Reformed, and she should like punk rock. Someone said (maybe it was Pat, maybe it was Jason) that at least I’ll know when she shows up because there probably aren’t many of those!

(If you want to know what my list used to be… not gonna happen. I don’t even remember. Which means God’s doing a good job changing me!)

You might say, “Wait a minute, what about the woman’s character, desire to be a mother, etc…?” In my humble opinion, these are related to who a godly woman is. And if a woman is reformed, this means she’s a committed believer who has taken a step away from the mainstream of watered-down Evangelicalism in order to step into the deeper, more difficult walk with God where we seek His will above our own and give Him all the glory for everything. Such a woman would seek to glorify God by living biblically, and therefore would likely be well-equipped (and have the desire) to be a wife and a mother. This is what I mean when I say that I want to marry a woman who is “reformed”, not just any person who claims the name of Christ.

It’s only by God’s grace that he’s gone ahead and met the other of my remaining standard. We also like Johnny Cash! There are lots and lots of other reasons why I’m crazy in love with her, but for now, that’s between me and her. I don’t want to use up all my ideas for romantic love letters in my blog…

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